Back then I remembered, I was staring at you when you were staring at someone else. No, not someone else. You were staring blankly. You looked so occupied. I wondered if it was me that was occupying your mind. But I was right next to you. Why would you have been thinking of me if I was right there beside you? You could just talk. But you were strangely silent that night.
So I passed you another bottle. Just to try to get your attention. You nodded, saying thanks. And then silence. Again. I was so afraid we were going to sit there until dawn doing nothing but staying still.
Suddenly you grabbed me in the arm and said, “Do you know what I love the most from trees? Especially the big ones? They’re so big you can barely hug them.” I nodded and cleared my throat. I waited for another sentence from you. I waited but nothing else came out of your mouth. I even held my breath, afraid that I might have missed your words. You were breathing heavily.
After a long sigh, I finally asked, “What’s wrong, dear? Anything you wanna say?”
You were still grabbing my arm tightly when you pointed at the moon. “Tonight is the supermoon, they say. The closest distance of the moon to the earth. Do you know that it’s responsible for stronger tides at sea? Look over there.” We were sitting by the beach that night. The waves were harsh and loud. Probably louder than usual.
Afterward, you looked at me and then said, “Do you know what I really, really love in this world?” I smiled and said, “Of course I know, it’s the trees. You love trees so much.” You smiled back at me and said, “I love the moon also, you know.” I raised my eyebrow a bit.
“Okay, I didn’t know that.”
“Now you do.”
“But do you know what I love even better than the trees and the moon?” You said. “Err…beer?” You burst into laughter after I said that, and you said, “I love you. It is you whom I love the most.” I thought I might have been blushing. I wanted to tell you I love you back, but I somehow choked. Probably because of the moon. Or the chilly wind. Hence, we fell into the same choking silence again.
“Did you hear it?” You asked.
“Hear what?
“The sound of my broken heart that’s cracking into pieces.”
I choked once more. I didn’t know what to do, so I lit a cigarette. You gushed a sour laugh that stopped in a few seconds. I shivered, but not because of the wind. Maybe it was the moon. No, not just the moon, it was the supermoon. Yeah, must have been because of that.
We said nothing afterward. We walked back to the house. Right before the front door, we stole kisses down by the banana trees. All of a sudden, the night ended.